The ThursDater: Make out for ‘Merica

Happy Fourth of July! Since we’ll be out celebrating America’s birthday tomorrow, we thought we’d send out the ThursDater a day early this week. Plus, you’ll need this ThursDater to study up for tomorrow– it’s a guide for all your potential makeout opportunities on July 4th.

The Fourth of July is our favorite holiday. Sure, it’s kind of about our forefathers establishing the freedom-mongering country we all enjoy, but momentarily, let’s put aside life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. There’s another important trio that’s really madeJuly 4th into what it is today: getting a day off work, partying like your brain is on vacation, and blowing shit up.

Add a little hot, steamy July weather to that slew of terrific things, and you’ve got perfect conditions to indulge in a night of summer debauchery that would make your college-self proud. And nothing screams/slurs college-self like an impromptu makeout; preferably in public.

In case you’re out of practice, we’ve brainstormed some opportunities you may encounter that are absolutely primo for July 4th makeouts, even if you might not think so at first glance. So heed our very professional guidance, should you find yourself in any of these circumstances with someone you want to kiss.

At your parents’ beach house. Sure, your childhood seashell collection has been scattered all over the floor, thanks to a “wizard’s staff” made of taped-together Coors Light cans. But, that’s an expected casualty when your parents give you the place for the weekend. Deal with cleanup tomorrow morning. This is the perfect opportunity to escape your belligerent friends for a hot second, and offer your crush a private, personally escorted tour of “Ocean Fantasea.” The key opener for a makeout here is to say something architecturally relevant AND romantic, like, “We just added a storm-resistant formal balcony in 2006… but mostly because I really like have time alone with the sea…” and dreamily stare out at the horizon. Then, switch on some sudden, penetrating eye contact– all systems go. Engage makeout.

While comparing patriotic ensembles. Walk into the party. A sea of girls in white sundresses and guys in red polos. You: a cowboy hat made of PBR boxes, and a NASCAR t-shirt that says “Loud ‘N Proud” with a screaming eagle swooping across it. You’re suddenly unsure of your outfit, but then you see them: acid-wash jorts and a huge American flag worn as a cape, holding a mass of blue cotton candy they’re eating nonchalantly (straight to the face). Go to them, my child. Kiss and enjoy Budweiser beer.

The eating contest at a BBQ/Picnic. Did you know watermelon is an aphrodisiac? Well that’s ‘cause it isn’t… unless you’ve just challenged your crush to a melon scarf-down and they totally destroyed you, leaving both of you with the feisty high that only competitive binge eating can bring on. When the two of you go to clean up, gently brush away the pink chunks still lingering in their hair, congratulate them on their win, and make those come-hither eyes you’ve been practicing in your mirror before bed every night. The smooching conditions are perfect, now just try to ignore the part where you recently consumed your weight in fruit and might throw up.

After your sparkler performance. You thought that an impromptu Michael-Flatley-meets-fire performance would impress. And for good reason– who could resist you whipping that fire-stick around like a rhythmic gymnast going for the gold? Sure, at some point during this Jim Beam-induced sparkler showcase, you totally lost control, and badly scorched the mate of your dreams on the shoulder. But fortunately, here on earth there’s a liiiittle bit of love magic known as the Florence Nightingale Effect. As you affectionately apply Neosporin and a crazily unnecessary number of band-aids to their charred skin, the romance will be undeniable. You mended their hurt: guaranteed canoodling. Just try and avoid the lesion.

While watching fireworks. One weekend back in May, you and your friend found a roadside stand in North Carolina whose only products were fireworks, and some sort of alcohol/helicopter fuel that was packaged in an old coffee can and sealed with duct tape. But a 2-for-1 special on fireworks is not to be ignored, so naturally you both started stockpiling like your lives depended on it. Fast-forward to this year’s July 4th party, in the backyard of said friend’s apartment complex… watching them dangle a lit match over the entire haul. As soon as you spot the glimmer of fear in your special someone’s eye, gently seize their hand and ask if they’d like to go somewhere “a little quieter, away from the noise.” Then go there. Quickly. Feelings of relief and physical safety will quickly escalate into other feelings, and then… make out.

We know these kind of “fairy-tale” romantic situations are rare, so don’t beat yourself up if they don’t happen exactly like this. In fact, a much better (and generally safer) solution is to ask one of your Hinge matches to meet up for some patriotic festivities. Maybe hit a nice rooftop somewhere, eat firecracker popsicles and be merry. While not as exciting as a fruit binge or fire-dancer routine, a kiss is still probably in the cards. After all, this is America.

And, we can’t forget to mention– in order to help you out even more, we’ve just released a brand new feature that will help you get plans with your matches in motion faster! Hinge now lets you message your matches right from the app, making communication a much smoother and easier process. So make sure you download the update and go message those matches. Makeouts are waiting!

The ThursDater: Who’s your Hinge?

You may have heard that Hinge recently launched in NYC. Greetings, New Yorkers! We’re pumped to have you with us. Today’s ThursDater will provide some Hinge 101 for all you Hinge rookies.

Remember back in college when your massive (and drunkenly-friended) collection of Facebook friends belonged to coeds, and coeds alone? Because we do, and it was awesome. But then The Zuck decided to let in high schoolers, and then anyone… even our parents. OUR PARENTS! Some of us rebelled, refusing to partake in this non-exclusive nonsense. But after awhile, we maturely acknowledged that we lived in a new type of Facebook world, and it was time to accept it. In other words, we gave up our protests so we could get tagged in our friends’ photos.
Sure, this new Facebook featured tween oversharing and old people writing on restaurants’ Facebook pages. But we also started preening our junked-up friend lists. We “liked” things now. Facebook began to connect with more integral aspects of our social lives. And with this, a bright new opportunity arose– using Facebook to meet great new people, through the friends you already had in your network, and go on awesome dates with them.
Thus, Hinge was born.
We know how carefully you consider your potentials when you play Hinge. After all, these are your future dates we’re talking about. But you also need to notice who you’re matching through. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s good to be conscious of possible trainwrecks BEFORE they happen, instead of trying to dodge the shrapnel as it’s flying into your face.
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As your Hinge advisors, we know that sometimes your connections may require a second thought before you tap that star. Here’s a brief guide to help enhance your Hinge matching, with examples for flavor:
A family member. Your cool older cousin who took a sailing trip around the world last year? Yes! Favorite away. They probably met some hot oceanographers, or secret royalty from an Aegean island. But let’s say it’s your super weird Aunt Sylvia, who still collects Precious Moments figurines and named all 12 of her cats after the seven dwarves (there were repeats). Maybe consider passing.
Work acquaintance. Your office best friend? Sure. The intern? They’re leaving at the end of the summer anyway, so go nuts. But what about that guy Carl from accounts that smells like formaldehyde and always gets caught “accidentally” going into the ladies’ restroom? He friended you after an all-hands meeting a few months ago, remember that? Forget to notice his name as the mutual friend, and next thing you know, he’s formaldehyde-ing up the ladies’ restroom at your wedding.
Person you drunk Facebook friended (as an adult). We’ve all been there at some point– this time you were probably having a rockin’ good time at the Kenny Chesney concert, and had one of those spontaneous best friend moments with a stranger. Youdon’t remember, they were bumming most of your Miller Lite during the tailgate, and ripping Marlboro Menthols in and around your face. But you just couldn’t believe how much you had in common– YOU BOTH USE INSTAGRAM! But just because you’re both part of the No-Shoes Nation and love Earlybird, doesn’t mean you have any idea what this person is truly capable of. They already jacked your beer… for all you know, they could be at the heart of a prescription drug ring, peddling bulk amounts of generic Xanax they just hauled up from Mexico. And they’re probably using you as a sad, beer-generous drug mule, so look at you now. Check your pockets thoroughly.
An ex. Obviously this totally depends on how long ago you broke up, and how it went. As a general rule of thumb, 3 years ago is okay. 3 days ago… probably not. Additionally, if post-breakup they’ve ever slashed your tires with a machete, set an armchair on fire in your living room, thrown a bottle of Jim Beam through the windshield of your parents’ car, and/or tattooed your likeness onto themselves, that’s a sure pass. Also restraining order and maybe change your name.
All in all, you really need to de-friend these people. But we know it’s hard, because what if you accidentally run into them and they’re all like “we should catch up!” and then they notice you aren’t Facebook friends anymore? Say no more, we understand the “maintenance friendship.”

Our advice here is to just stay sharp when you’re Hinge-ing. Notice last names, always double check your connections, and make those Favorites count!

Now get back out there.