The ThursDater: Resolution Reality

A wise man once said, “New Year’s resolutions are like pancakes. You attempt a huge stack of them, but after a few bites, completely lose interest and abandon the rest.” Actually we just made it up, but it’s pretty true and sweet. And also now we’re craving pancakes. Anyway, here’s a realistic look at the timeline for your 2013 New Year’s resolutions.

Day one of eating healthy and exercising, finally quitting cigs for good, and never again having to apologize for tearing up your neighbor’s garden after Margarita Night because you were “looking for treasure.” Speaking of overdoing it, what’s that you say? Your crippling hangover called for a sprawling brunch, Bloody Marys and wearing sunglasses indoors the entire day? Fine, start the resolutions tomorrow.

You haven’t had any alcohol for one whole week. Impressive! You’ve decided after 7 days of behaving yourself, good life choices are ‘your thing’ now. Every morning you’ve been giving a dollar to that homeless guy outside your office and just straight-up beaming with pride about it. $15 quinoa salads from some ridiculous new vegan chain for lunch, with daily cardio, weights, AND Yoga Thursdays? You’re basically a health god of charitable goodness. May your children’s children tell tales of your meatless sacrifice and limitless generosity for years to come.

ImageWhoops. After a tiny bit of peer pressure from your coworkers, you caved and went to happy hour in lieu of yoga last night. Your previously untainted brain is really feeling those $3 rail specials, isn’t it? And your pricey salads have been taking their daily toll on your bank account, so you haven’t been feeling quite as giving as usual. Today, you hang your head a little as that hobo’s daily gratuity goes to the Dollar Menu for an Egg McMuffin.

Come onnnn, it’s Friday. The gym can wait. You’ve had a long week, a frosty beer is calling your name, and all your friends are going out. You’ll still eat carrot sticks and celery… they come with the wings you ordered to accompany your pizza.

ImageHangover. Last night’s casual beers got aggressive and your tolerance has totally slipped.

More hangover.

* * *

We’ll just stop right there, because it tends to continue like this until May, when you’ll renew your diet and exercise goals to prepare for swimsuit season. Your favorite elliptical machine– the one positioned perfectly to watch captioned Seinfeld re-runs– already has a new master. And we all knew the quinoa thing just wouldn’t cut it for long, so let’s be real — Chipotle tastes ridiculously better. Let it happen. At least you’re cutting carbs by getting a burrito bowl, right?

Quit worrying about how quickly you’re going to abandon the “new you.” It’s going to be OK. You’ll get to the gym when you can, but your social life matters too. You deserve to blow off some steam when you feel like it — YOLO and whatever other stupid abbrevs today’s tweens are using. According to our pancakes proverb, even if you abandon the rest of your resolutions, you can still get at least one good one under your belt. And lucky for you, we have a simple and totally awesome way to do that.

This year, the resolution you’ll be able to keep is meeting more awesome people through your friends. A brand-new, totally redesigned mobile Hinge launches February 7th! You’ll be able to browse and rate friends of your friends right from your iPhone, and if there’s mutual interest, we’ll introduce you. Bam. Just like that, the most fulfilling resolution of 2013 is yours. Find someone great, all through your pals.

As if that isn’t enough, we’re also throwing an epic party to celebrate the launch. And guess what? You and all your friends (and their other friends) are invited! Visit to sign up, and we’ll send you an invite to share with whomever you please. You’ll get to see a live performance by Viceroy, drink top-notch craft beer and cocktails, and get a new lease on your dating life. So don’t feel too bad about not following through with the less important stuff. Keep your eyes on the prize and make 2013 your year for love, with Hinge.